straight down the line.

I’ve gotten on a trolley car and I have to ride all the way to the end of the line. The last stop is the cemetery.


i promised you i promised you i promised you when it was just getting cold and now it’s getting warmer

temperature does something to me i can’t understand it.

when it was bright, when i still glowed—

when your heart breaks? you best break along with it.

how can a gesture flood me back?

when i reach for my lipstick in that pocket, i feel you and all my words rushing over me all over again.


Colin asked me about I.T. last night not last night anymore and if I’d lost interest and I said yes….I haven’t. But I know if I write it, I’ll revert back to my old ways.

============================================================================I feel stupid calling them my old ways.


Bottom line is


I’ll be very, very bad. I fear it.


a note on reality: Because of the normal force, i.e. when you pull away from something and it must push back, it’s perfectly logical to give up on anything you want for the time being, because you know that it won’t let you go.



Error: Try Again

Some nicknames I have had: Brain Mistress, The Girl Who Married The Grimm Reaper, Ms. Guillotine, Ka-Ching, She Who Is Quick To Anger, Mental Ward Patient, God, Dirjee

Quote from Mrs. Gounis: “Look at you. You don’t have to do ANYTHING. You can just sit around and look gorgeous.”

I’m no good but I painted a lot last night and

Why am I not in a mental asylum

I was going to say this is the last summer I ever have to feel like this, but that is stupid. I’m going to do whatever I want. Fact and not fiction.

There is so much I could do compulsively right now I am sick of doing things compulsively I wish I could just enjoy them I don’t think I’ve ever really enjoyed anything

Hi. Okay. It’s the next morning. Here is my mantra. It’s not my mantra but it’s my mantra.


I always have this imbalance when I get things I want and then it suddenly stops. I need to remember that what I want should be the only thing driving me. I think right now the things I want are so terrifying, I have to hide from them.