You will always be the hole in my heart.
Letting go takes too long. I wanted to just be ripped out by the roots.
Why is everything so gradual.
I wish I never read The Grave.
I fucking need to be watered. I feel so deprived.
Who wouldn’t go crazy with this on-off switch?
Abuse, love, forgiveness, power game, everything goes still. I would never ever move. I will stay still. You are so good at making sure.
You know what scares me now? Distance.
Make up your god damn mind.
I think that is the general theme of everything. Ambiguity and indecision and breaking the trance and going back to the trance and not understanding the juxtaposition between goodness and evil, and love and abuse, and breathing and drowning, how am I supposed to make myself understand, I don’t know where to get my education from.
There is so much that has stunted me. These next few years will blow me open.
Can I take the light?
Natalie is next on my black list, Natalie, I’m coming for you.
Am I oversensitive, is this real?
Separation will purify me.
I DIDN’T WANT IT LIKE THIS, I WANTED IT TO BE VIOLENT, I WANTED IT TO LEAVE ME SHELL SHOCKED, I WANTED IT TO BE PERMANENT, I WANTED IT TO BE FOR GOOD, I DON’T THINK I’LL FEEL IT THE RIGHT WAY. I WANTED TO DO THIS THE RIGHT WAY.
Loss of memory: never.
I really wanted to see how far I could go.
I’m ungrateful and it’s because I think everything has this cosmic significance.
I wonder what it would be like to take everything lightly.