Through the rosy filter

Things I really am grateful for and appreciate:

  • My mom who buys me tickets to Stevie Nicks and plans our trips to New York and cares about my accomplishments and begs to read my poetry and comes to all my shows and brings me coffee and worries about me and drags me out of bed after a bad break-up and supports me and is sitting on my bed right now reciting poetry to me in Polish and who just read me this poem she put in her father’s obituary and who’s so sentimental and feels everything so deeply and oh God, so that’s where I get that from
  • My brother who subtly makes it easier for me to deal with my parents and who can make me laugh even in an unpleasant situation and whom I always have fun hanging out with when my parents go out of town and who seems to truly enjoy my company and who tells me more things now than he used to and whom I love and whom I’m getting more and more proud of every day
  • My dad who drives me to my job interviews in the middle of the day if I ask him and makes sure to at least tell me when he’s proud of me
  • Having a good friend who gives me his jacket when I’m cold and invites me places and steals me ice cream from work and plays me his songs on guitar and asks to read my poetry every day and cares enough about my life to read the entire script of my freshman one act and lends me books and sends me music and makes me laugh and comes to my shows and tells me his secrets and gets mad at me when I don’t tell him about important things that happen to me right away
  • The fact that my mom and her brother have been back in touch
  • Having good friends whom I get to see every day in school
  • Having good friends who take me shopping and come to my shows
  • Having good friends who are in said shows WITH me
  • KAREN who would come all the way from North Andover to see my 30-minute play where she got to talk to me for like 20 minutes after not seeing me for 7 years
  • Also Karen who lets me hang out all day in an exact replica of my old apartment and plays with me on the playground where we used to go when we were kids and will wait hours for me to try on all the clothes I want and who slips things like “By the way I lost my virginity in this parking lot” into conversation and tells me all these stories about the crazy people she encountered while working as security in an amusement park like a lady who tried to bring in a gun and another one who tried to smuggle in 20 loaves of bread and Karen was like “You gonna eat all those by yourself?”
  • Karen who was equally obsessed with the idea of finding me and found me after all these years
  • Having the opportunity to participate in theatre and make that my life
  • Getting to play Fabian in Twelfth Night and spend a lot of time with people I love
  • Kira who I talk to every day even though I don’t see her nearly enough
  • Having my own room and my own space
  • Having access to books
  • Just…getting to share experiences with other people is nice
  • The fact that I can watch practically anything on Putlocker
  • People who give me flowers
  • My lovely friend who paints me and gets more excited about me dramatically cutting my hair than I do and holds me when I’m breaking down and hugs me when she sees me in the hallway and remembers all these details about me and completely takes over when I need one of my actors in dramatic skull make-up
  • Facebook messenger for making texting possible when you have a shit ZTE phone and shit service everywhere
  • Shreya who pushes me to lengths I didn’t know I had in me and believes in me more than I do and puts everything into perspective for me and is so freaking down-to-earth and who gets me
  • Having a lot of nice clothes that I like and essentially too many options
  • Having access to an infinite store of music whenever I want
  • The whole world is my pool of knowledge
  • People who randomly compliment me
  • My beautiful Roy Lichtenstein calendar
  • The fact that my bed looks like outer space
  • Being so comfortable with the closet door always open
  • The fact that I have a bathtub and can take a bubble bath whenever I want
  • The never-ending store of tea in my kitchen
  • The possibility of seeing movies at the movie theater
  • Having the opportunity to be the person I am
  • Teachers who support me and who I can rant to
  • The fact that I am a lot more open than I used to be
  • People who get excited for me and make me excited for me in the process
  • Having a nice camera
  • Having a laptop that doesn’t take ten minutes to turn on
  • I’ve been pretty happy and I’ve had a beautiful last few months
  • I have my dead grandmother’s dress and jacket in my closet
  • My severed head prop is sitting on my dresser
  • The number of people who congratulated me on my play
  • I have so many shades of lipstick. But not blue
  • This book of the greatest American poets that I have on my shelf
  • Being able to get a good education
  • I’ve seen some really beautiful places like Spain and Paris and San Francisco and Zakopane and northern California
  • The fact that I’ve managed to maintain a high GPA
  • My own fiery will and how I always keep going
  • Having the perspective I have
  • Anyone who reads this messy jumble of  a “blog”
  • The fact that I have people I can talk to when I’m feeling down and how it’s become a lot easier for me to talk about my issues
  • Having so many choices and options
  • Being able to go outside and look at the moon when it’s full
  • The sheer existence of the ocean
  • Having friends in all of my classes
  • I have truly been enjoying my life more than I ever have before

~Kasia

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