Things I Really Fucking Hate

  • The way my dad always talks to me in this condescending tone
  • How easily I get tired of my clothes
  • The fact that I insist on wearing uncomfortable things just for the aesthetic value
  • Having to ask my parents whenever I want to do something even though I’m a legal fucking adult
  • Always feeling uncertain about my future mental state
  • My shit ZTE phone that keeps spazzing when I try to type because I smashed it on the floor ten too many times
  • The writing process when I feel like everything I’m putting down is incoherent shit
  • Feeling like I am repeating myself
  • The fact that I can’t just go drive myself and buy pink hair dye
  • The fact that I’m expected to adhere to this concept of ‘Time’
  • When I’m acting in something and I don’t say something the way I intended
  • The whole concept of ‘Out of Sight, out of Mind’ and how it’s increasingly evident in my life
  • Feeling like nothing really comes naturally to me
  • Getting acne when I’m not even stressed
  • When people make casting decisions I wildly disagree with
  • Not seeing certain people every single day
  • The fact that nobody will just come up and offer me a waitress job out of the middle of nowhere
  • People who don’t swear
  • People who can’t relate to existential pain
  • When my parents make too big of a deal of arbitrary things
  • Having to be around people who’ve witnessed me in some weird phases of my life who I don’t even talk to
  • Watermelon
  • The word “hobby”
  • When my dad refers to theatre as my “hobby”
  • My hobby that I spend 16 hours a day on
  • Being able to picture exactly how I could slip off the edge again and spiral into some tragic downfall
  • The fact that at some point in my life, I will once again be preoccupied with mortality
  • Not knowing if I should cut my hair or let it grow
  • Knowing there are people who do awful things who will never change
  • People who make me feel alone and misunderstood because they don’t share in my thoughts and can’t relate to my aspirations for myself
  • Stasis
  • When people take things that belong to me but won’t admit to it so I spent hours searching for them like an idiot
  • Missed opportunities
  • Thinking about the fact that if I live that long, I will have to one day relinquish the title of Rebellious Teenager
  • Being unable to comprehend people who can play flamenco on guitar (Colin)
  • Not seeing some people often enough
  • Having so much opportunity to lose touch and disconnect with people
  • When directors keep casting the same actors over and over again in every main role
  • The fact that there’s so much potential in some people, especially actors, but they just haven’t had the right characters written for them
  • Self-insertion like for example what I just did
  • The fact that I need superficial, weirdly-colored sheets of swirling, politically-affiliated paper in order to survive in a capitalist society
  • The fleeting and fast-dwindling quality of everything
  • The fact that as a people, we’ve stopped using candles so much. I think it’s because they invented electricity or something?
  • The desert lack of opportunities where I can imagine them
  • Getting overwhelmed by the uncertainty of the future
  • The fact that my mom thought it was okay to throw away my flowers that I wanted to keep for sentimental reasons just because they were dead
  • The terrifying space between conceiving the idea and executing it remotely well
  • I don’t have enough stickers
  • Not being able to remember traumatic things that happened to me
  • Having to sacrifice my mental state in order to remember the traumatic things that happened to me
  • Knowing I can’t experience a car crash in a spiritual way unless I attain some serious injury
  • The fact that I missed both World War I and World War II
  • A disappointing lack of flapper nightclubs and dressing like flappers
  • New Orleans is so far away
  • I’m not producing a movie right now
  • What if someday I don’t feel anymore like the whole world is open and waiting for me?
  • Being afraid of intimacy and being in relationships
  • The idea of ‘Love’ is so tainted for me
  • Not being able to remember how I once felt
  • Being constantly afraid of ceasing to see everything through rose-colored glasses
  • Not being as close to people as I would like
  • Being afraid of getting too close to people
  • Someday I will not feel so invincible

~Kasia

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